This is a question that was posted on my forum and I thought it was very thought provoking. I am gonna answer it here and would love to see what others have to say about how they have been changed.
I believe that loss has made me a different person. Not good or bad different but different. I don't think I am that happy, go lucky girl I once was. One who saw her future and knew what it looked like.
I know that I still believe in dreams and miracles, but it is harder now for me to see them coming true for me. It is just easier to think other's get their desires and I don't. And I will never have a worry free pregnancy. I am too educated in all that can happen. My innocence about pregnancy has been stolen from me.
I think that loss has strengthened my marriage. Josh is such a wonderful husband and has been with me through all the crap. He has seen me at my very worst. The ugly person that I can be during suffering. He has rejoiced with me and wept with me. He has lost his children too and I know that it has impacted him in such a deep way. I am extrememly thankful that he has been by my side through it all and I know that he loves me regardless if we ever have children.
I think that loss has brought me closer to God. Which is interesting. The world tends to question God and ask him why he didn't stop bad things from happening. Granted I have asked him these things also, but I always end up remembering the truth. We live in a fallen and sinful world and bad things happen.period. I have some father issues and I believe that God has walked me through this to strenthen my faith in him. That even when my whole world seems to fall apart he is always there and loves me unconditionally. He weeps with me when i cry for my children. His heart is broken when mine is broken. He is the father that I have always wanted to have.
Loss has also given me so many more friends. Women out three who have been through the pain and sorrow and know how it feels. Who are shoulders for me to cry on. And who I can encourage through their tough times. I treasure their friendship so much, words can't express.
So how has loss changed you?
2 comments:
Loss has definitely changed who I am as a person, and I'm working to get that old Janna back. I used to be the person who loved life, loved our freedom, and loved being around people. Now I'm more introverted than I've ever been. I'm bitter and angry, and I tend to think "poor me" more often than I should. I don't like being around pregnant people or people with newborns because it's just one more reminder of what I don't have, but I used to love to cuddle those little ones, and used to love to buy things for expectant mothers. I need to find that person again. I don't like who I've become.
My marriage is stronger because of this. A lot of peolpe's marriages crumble under such stress, but ours is so much stronger. I like to think that if we can get through this then we can get through anything.
I'm still struggling with my relationship with God. I'm not to the point where I can say I'm closer to Him, but I'd like to be. I'd like to be so full of faith that I trust Him completely no matter if I ever have children or not. I think I'm on my way though...
Thanks for this post!!!
That was beautiful. I think loss has made me more empathetic. I take less for granted.
I also came by with a mojito and good thoughts for tomorrow...
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