For the last 8 months I wasn't sure how I would spend Thanksgiving. November 23rd was my due date with the baby I lost in April. I really thought that I would just want to stay home in bed and wallow. But I decided to go home and spend it with family. I think it was a great decision. The long weekend was wonderful. We had a great time seeing both sides of the family. I got to spend all day Thanksgiving with my family and help my mom cook. Something I haven't been able to do in a long time. Even though my heart still broke everytime I thought of not being pg and delivering soon. And what I will be missing at Christmas, it was nice to have the distraction of family. Christmas, now that is another hurdle that I will have to get over. But for now I am just trying to focus on this milestone that has been passed. Oh and another thing that helped take my focus off of friday was that af showed and I spent half the day in bed with cramps so bad they made me nauses. What a great way to spend the day huh? So 76 days, not a record for me, but still too freaking long.
Dearest November baby,
I can never express in words how much you mean to me and how broken my heart is that you are not here with me. The day I found out I was pg with you was one of the happiest days of my life. I started dreaming and planning from the beginning. It was a blissful 3 weeks. But sadly you had to leave just like the others did. And you left a hole in my heart that will never be filled. I wait expectantly for the day that we will meet again and I will finally get to hold you. I love you so much.
Love,
Mom
2 comments:
Rian,
My heart aches with yours and know that I did think of you and was praying for you friday. I texted you but wasn't sure if you got it...or can even get texts on your phone. Family has a funny way of helping the hurt not be so intense. I also wanted give you these lyrics that a dear friend of mine shared with me just recently. The song is amazing but what makes it amazing is the lyrics. It is such a bittersweet song and I hope you treasure these lyrics just as I have.
Glory Baby
by:Watermark
Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…
Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do
Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…
BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…
Rian,
My thoughts are with you and I share your sadness. Yes we will be there on Tuesday. See you then.
hugs!!
ps - what beautiful lyrics - i'd love to hear the song...
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