So 12wks4days today. How very exciting. I can't believe I have made it this far. Had a sono yesterday and baby is doing great. Heart beat was 122. So all is well with baby.
But, and that is a freaking huge but. Sac is still behind. And what that means at this point is low amniotic fluid. And we all know babies can't survive without enough fluid. So they are keeping an eye on it. I have another sono in 3wks to check the level. So now I am praying to make it to at least 24wks. Anything after that is an extra blessing.
Ok, let me start this with saying how extremely thankful I am that I am pg and have made it past 12wks. How thankful I am that Turkey is doing great and growing as he/she should. But that being said I still feel so angry that nothing about this pg is going smoothly. That nothing about the whole ttc thing went smoothly. Is it really too much to ask for something, anything to be textbook?
I think I am just in a bad place right now. I kept telling myself I will be more happy and more conected to the pg once I hit 12wks. But now I feel like I am waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me. I mean I always knew that something could happen at anytime, but now I have this fear that it will happen. That I will be having this baby earlier than I should. I know there is nothing I can do to stop what is going to happen. And I know that worrying about what might happen does nothing to keep it from happening. So I'm gonna try to be positive and enjoy what is going on right now, even though it is so hard.
10 comments:
I am sorry that thing are still rough for you during this pregnancy. It is never easy. Just when you think you get to a point where you can feel "safe" something else happens. I am sorry that the turkey seems low on fluid. I hope nothing happens. I will be thinking about you and the turkey until your next appointment.
I put some pictures up on my blog if you want to see the one that gave me a scare.
How WONDERFUL that you made it to past 12 weeks -- that is a really good sign!
That being said, I know it's going to continue to be scary for you, and understandably difficult for you to ever shake that feeling of something bad being just around the corner. I doubt that will ever go away for you (it hasn't for me), and it probably never does for anyone who has ever lost a baby, or struggled to become a parent, including those who had an adoption that fell through.
I wish I had greater words to comfort you, or could find my magic wand and wave the pessimism away (from you and me both).
Remember you are not alone, and THIS is a place in which you can come anytime you want and share the scary & ugly thoughts, and we will understand, and not dismiss your feelings and fears. And we are also here to prop ya up when you need a helping hand ;o)
Just wait ... your confidence will inch up as the weeks and months continue. Your fears and concerns have been shared by many a mom, so try not to be too hard on yourself.
Keep reflecting on where you've come from (and shout thank you Jesus for the here and now!) and allow each bit of progress to increase your faith.
I admire you for your willingness to celebrate today!
Hugs!
It's hard when there is good and bad news to report... I am focusing on the good, though, and praying that things work out ok. I hope you can find some peace in this time! I admire your strength so much.
*hugs*
I'm so sorry things haven't been easy for you. But I'm hoping everything is just fine with Turkey!!
Rian,
I'm am hoping all is well for you and this baby.
Jenny G (from LAM)
Let Go and Let God. Easier said than done, but try to focus on that saying when fear steps in.
You have absolutely NO control over what the outcome will be. Try your best to enjoy this time - just in case it is all you have. I never imagined making it to 39 weeks and sweet Mater not getting to come home with us, but I look joyfully back at my pregnancy and cherish the time we had with him. Hold on to this time, just as you have held on to each time before. God has it all under control and He knows the plan. I pray that plan includes you taking Turkey home and seeing all of his/her firsts.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28
Bless you all. May peace surround you and God cast away your fears and give you rest. Much love, prayers and hugs!!!
there is always something new or different to worry about or dwell on. I know. New scares that for any normal person wouldn't instill terror and fear.
one day at a time and keep breathing. live in those moments where you are happy and enjoying it, even if it only comes a moment or two at a time.
Continued luck, and I hope all starts to take a turn for the better andless stressful in the coming weeks.
I went to the Conservatory yesterday. They still have some of the Cihouly glass pieces there including a big yellow, orange, and blue chandelier looking thing in the entrance way. I thought of you when I saw all of it. I took pictures and will have to download them from my camera.
how are you feeling? How is the turkey doing? Any new updates? There are nursery pics and a belly pic up my blog if you are interested in taking a peak.
You have been nominated for an award. Jump over to my blog to see what it is all about.
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