First, I have been a crappy blog reader and commenter. You would think laying in bed for two weeks would be the perfect opportunity to read and comment. but I just wasn't in the mood. Yesterday my google reader had almost 200 unread blogs. I had to do it, there was just too much pressure. I pushed the button and they were gone. Sorry. I promise to do better now.
I'm sorry I haven't been blogging lately. I just feel like my life is in a holding pattern. Like I live everyday waiting for it to be over so it will be tomorrow. I can't wait for 12wks. I know that anything can happen after that. But I have never made it that far. And I need the peace of mind that the first tri is over.
Everyone keeps asking me when I am going to be excited. Well, I am already super excited to have made it this far, and that turkey survived the ectopic incident. But I know that i still have my heart guarded. I can't break that wall down just yet. Early on I told Josh this is the last time. If we lose this baby I am done. Those words are still true. And I am so afraid of what the future holds that I cannot control. But I know I cannot continue to go through the pain of m/c and IF.
So if I don't blog don't worry. It just means I am waiting. Also, if I don't blog don't leave me!!! I'm needy!!! :)
4 comments:
I know exactly what you are saying. Part of me is nervous, the other part is excited. I just don't have a lot to say right now. I could talk about pregnancy symptoms, but somehow that just seems so uninteresting to talk about. Also I'm sure if my readers wanted to know exactly what was happening with symptoms, they would ask and so far they haven't. I am glad you are still feeling okay. I was very worried about you and the turkey. Now I just know you are like me and have nothing new to say.
I am glad that turkey is still hanging in there. I feel like we are in this together. We ovluated at the same time, got out bfps at the same time, and are due at the same time. I feel like I have a close tie to you and the turkey.
Don't know if this is any help, but even though we are adopting, I feel the same way . . . I have little moments of excitedness in my heart, but then I flash to my 3 m/c's, and then I worry that somehow THIS will fall apart, too.
You take all the time you need, Sweetie. When you are ready to be more excited, even if it's just a small moment here and there, all of us out here will understand and be ready.
No worries...hugs and prayers. I'm here if you need/want to talk.
One day at a time, right?
You are in my thoughts, Rian.
*hugs*
Post a Comment