Night time is hard. My brain just won't stop...going over what happened, what it means, what is lost. And then I cry, I hate the crying. I always wake up with a terrible headache. And nothing really gets resolved...it all just happens again the next night.
My brain is so full of conflict...man this life just hasn't worked out like I planned at all. I'm about to be 34, I should be done having kids by now...which I guess I could be. If we do IVF it's likely the baby won't be born until I'm over 35. I know that's not old by any measure, but I wanted to be done by 35. Well orginally I wanted to be done by 30 but that didn't work, so why would I think that anything else I wanted would work.
We are leaning towards IVF. I think I will hate myself if I don't at least try. I don't enjoy thinking about the logistics and the time this will take. But if the end result is what I want then it will be worth it.
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